The days are starting to blend together in a ball of procrastination and snacks. It starts the same every morning. I get up with the greatest of intentions. I make a list of the things I’m going to do. Day 4: Clean my car inside and out, reorganize the cabinets, clean out my bedroom closet, oh and sign up for unemployment. Day 5: Update social media pages, get nails done, lunch with StacyLee, clean living room, clean my car, reorganize the cabinets, clean out my closet, oh and sign up for unemployment. Day 6: Bring that laundry from day one upstairs, write new blog, update social media, clean my car, reorg the cabinets, clean my closet oh and sign up for f*cking unemployment. Seriously, why haven’t I done this yet?!?!?! These are just the daily tasks I’ve planned for myself. I also have grandiose plans for the month. When I got my notice at work, I was excited to take some time off and see what I could accomplish in a month. I’m a bit out of shape (my body type isn’t so much pear shaped, or apple bottomed as much as it is a watermelon with hair on toothpicks) so I thought, I’ll do an on demand exercise video each morning. Oh I’m also going to take out my bike and start pedaling around the neighborhood. I’m going to plan my meals for the week and do meal prep. I am going to challenge myself to drink more water, eat more fruits, try yoga. I’m also going to get my passport in case of sudden international trave. Go to social security and get a replacement card (I haven’t seen mine in about 10 years). I also thought I’d start budgeting, and couponing and starting my own stockpile in the basement. Oh and let’s not forget about my plans to start picking up some free furniture on Craigslist and with a little elbow grease and pinterest instruction turn that trash right into treasure. I’d hate for these idle hands to become the devil’s playground.
Now I know it’s only been a week, but if this week is a gage of how this month is going to go, I’m in trouble. Thus far all I have actually managed to do is watch the first two and half seasons of Shameless on Netflix, got my nails done, did one measly load of laundry, and had lunch with an old friend, her new puppy, her two sons and about half of her neighborhood. I lost a whole day to these fools, and it was my best day yet. We dined al fresco, (read the patio at Bellino’s) enjoyed a cocktail that was so strong it put hair on my balls, oh and it made me grow balls. After lunch we picked up some beers and a Four Loko, (it was an impulse purchase), then off to the middle school to pick up the Big One with a stop at the elementary school for the Small One then back to the house. This was all fun and games until suddenly, and I do mean very suddenly there were no less than 389 kids in her house, the backyard, the basement, everywhere…I think I even saw one grappling down the side of the house. There was kicking, squealing, and what appeared to be some sort of civil disobedience and that was just from the adults. I would think this is all because there is a brand new puppy in the neighborhood. A beautiful 7 week old, 4 pound baby boy with soft velvety ears, razor sharp puppy teeth, and BABY BREATH! Oh there is nothing sweeter than baby puppy dog breath, but I digress, I’m getting off track here… But I’m not sure, all of this might actually just be a regular occurrence. There were cheesy pretzels, spiked seltzers, vodka drinks and beers, beers, beers and it’s not even 5pm yet! It’s all so fascinating, I watched my friend turn her lunch leftovers and a hotdog into a feast for at least 5 or 8 kids, maybe more maybe less, I can’t tell, I’m not a mom, and I think there were twins involved. Then suddenly everyone was gone, just poof, gone, as quickly as they appeared, they disappeared. Amazing. And it was all just in time for us to bring the Big One to soccer practice. I suspect they’ve done this before. While the Big One was chasing balls around in circles, we took the Little One to the irish bar down the street for snacks and beers. To be clear, he got chocolate milk and irish soda bread, we got beers. Once practice was over there was homework, tsunami talk, eye crossings(I taught the Small One how to cross his eyes, and he LOVED it) and then it was bedtime.. It was a great day. I’m totally going back next week!
Oh and I FINALLY signed up for unemployment!
The cycle of procrastination is strong, there is so much TV, internet, and candy crush in the world vying for my attention, but I have faith. Next week I’ll start hacking away at that list, but for today, one more episode of shameless before I head out for dinner.
PS…I’ve decided I am going to mention Andy Cohen in every post going forward in hopes that he one day reads my posts and enjoys them so much he invites to Watch What Happens Live, and then we become BFFLS. But based on the To Dos VS Actuals above, I probably won’t ever mention his name again.